It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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