there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
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