The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
