giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
