since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
