I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize