dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
sarcasm needs its own font
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
