I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
