So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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