There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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