I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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