We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize