woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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