I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
