did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
