Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
