am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
