i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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