16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
