I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
