Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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