Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize