he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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