I want to stick my p in your. b.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
