did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
