I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
she looked like the before picture.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
