Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I FOUND THE LEGS
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
