Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
