I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
