New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
