Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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