yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Best friends brother. Beat that.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
