if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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