dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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