Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
