Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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