You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
