I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
