there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
