I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
