I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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