I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
