fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
