Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
