Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
