Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
