Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize