I need to stop coming to work sober
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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