And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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