need another drink. this is the easiest way
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
