Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
