I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
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