their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
