I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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