I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
