Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
