I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm sobbing to NWA
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
