How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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