It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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