i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
