and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
