I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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