That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
