so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
