Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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