it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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