Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's blow job season.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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