let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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