Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
3pm strippers are depressing
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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