I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
grandma shit on top of the toilet
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
this just has baby written all over it
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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