Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
