I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
