am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
