kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
