he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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