I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
