I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
