I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize