Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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