who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
