Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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