His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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