Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I will be naked everywhere
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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