Your tits are I can't wait for
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
