At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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