there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
