I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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