Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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