I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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