you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
