Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize