I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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