Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
